3 Programs, Is My Work Done Yet?

We're taking advantage of three programs. 

SDI - We've been receiving State Disability Insurance payments twice monthly. This covers our rent and a little more--nice. "Employees who can't work because of a temporary non-work-related illness or injury can apply for short-term disability insurance through CASDI."

SSDI - Yesterday we finished applying for Social Security Disability insurance. This is where Social Security provides monthly payments to people who have a disability that stops or limits their ability to work. It pays more than regular social security and you don't have to be of SS age. You have to be over 18 and "have a condition and expect it to affect your ability to work for a year or more or will result in death." Michael opened the application on his laptop and cast it to the TV so we could both see it from bed and answer the many questions. The payments will be retroactive to when this first affected my ability to work (March?) so that's really great. 

IHSS - In-Home Supportive Services is a program where the state can pay a family member for caring for you. There are some things spouses would not get paid for like grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning house. But there are other things like bathing your spouse, and administering meds that can be paid for. We're waiting to hear back on his application. 

On Wednesday my hospice nurse came for our first regular visit after last week's intake visit. She looked through all the medications I am taking, asking when I take them and how much, to update her records if needed. She also checked to see if anything needs reordering/refilling. She also walked us through each of the seven medications in the Comfort Care Kit that we now have on hand. They want you to have this kit on hand for any time things might suddenly get out of control pain wise. Weee. When this happens, you call the hospice number and they will tell you what to take. I am glad to have this kit on hand, but of course it would be fantastic to never need it.

After she left I found myself bursting into a sob once again. I think one reason is because it's stressful for me to have any outsider, anyone who is not my spouse or child, in the house. Sounds weird but I am not normal right now and SO extremely over-the-top sensitive to every little thing you can imagine (sound, movement, etc). The other reason is probably looking through the Comfort meds and talking about what each is for. End of life stuff including pain management, something to clear my breathing, etc. My dear husband cried with me. Some days are more emotional for us than others.

When I become emotional that's often when I find myself crying out to Heavenly Father. Is my work done yet? Have I done or said or passed through everything I need to? If so, can I go now? Can you please take me and end this? If there's more required, what is it?

Pain levels have been pretty liveable for now. Good sleep has been dependable. You know, this isn't the worst lifestyle ever. Lying in bed all day, muted TV in the background and a handsome caregiver bringing me food and helping with every little thing. If I could just take the pain out of the equation, it's not so bad. Not very fulfilling, but not so bad.

A little later I was surprised to receive an audio message in Facebook Messenger from a young sister from our ward who is currently serving a mission in Houston, TX. It uplifted me and came just when I needed it. Thank you, Sister Fraser.