Still "Here" - Fri. Nov. 1, 2024.

It's Michael.

She's not really 'here', actually. But there is a chance she might be back.

We started the new med yesterday and she was pain free (this was a BIG deal) all day but asleep most of the day. Hospice is coming three days a week and at today's visit, they connected me with the doctor so I could express my concerns about Laurel possibly being over-medicated.

It is a new experience talking to a doctor who seems to have all the time in the world for just you, listens patiently to your concerns, offers suggestions, and asks what you think about them. I mean, in my experience, that never happens. It's almost an emotional experience. Of course, blinking is an emotional experience these days. But seriously, I'm praising our hospice team publicly and have complimented them directly.

Today's phone call with the doctor yielded a plan to go from one tablet every 8 hours around the clock to one tablet every 12 hours, and to use the previous medication for breakout pain. Today went very well. While she was still asleep most of the day (and pain-free), I didn't have to wake her at 8 hours and even though she was still groggy, give her another dose. Man, I hate that. I feel like I'm drugging her. She made it from 7am to 7pm with no pain. I anticipate she'll have a comfortable night.

Hospice will touch base tomorrow after I've given the ;7am dose and we'll decide how to treat tomorrow. The goal is to adjust the dosage so that she's no longer way past the point of controlled pain and into sedation. It seems to be a knife edge between pain and no pain so we will be conservative as we make adjustments. Pain relief is paramount.

You may recall that when hospice told Laurel about the End Of Life Act, she declined that option. Her other option to speed things up was to stop eating. Up until two days ago, she always was ready with a request for breakfast. Wellll, two days ago she lost interest in food. I wasn't overly surprised that first thing in the morning she wasn't interested but she always had been, so this was a red flag for me. This lack of interest/appetite has continued throughout yesterday and today. Tonight I asked if she'd like a piece of cantaloupe. When I handed her a bite (literally) she said "I can't eat that whole thing." She took one little corner of it, faded and fell back to sleep. I asked her during a lucid moment if she was intentionally not eating. She said no. I firmly believe that this is a blessing from her Heavenly Father to move things along a little faster.

There are other physical things going on that are making living even harder for her. She asks me periodically what she's supposed to do, what comes next, what passing will be like. I do my best to offer comforting thoughts but she usually drifts off after just a few moments. It's an emotional time. I spend much of the day at her side, watching her sleep and holding her hand. I want to be the first thing she sees if she wakes. If I need to get something done, our Mike sits on the couch so that she'll see him if she wakes.

Okay, this just got too wordy and too personal. I'll try to resist deleting it all.

But in case I leave it, I want to again tell you all how sweet and caring and wonderful you are to be so concerned about this great woman and our little family. We really appreciate it.