Still Here - Sun. Nov. 3, 2024.

It's Michael. Guess I don't really need to keep saying that, but I'm going to anyway.

I felt very sure yesterday would be Laurel's last day. What do I know? I even exercised my faith by not preparing the next days meds last night. Welll, drat.

Not only was I mistaken but today's hospice nurse estimates 2-3 weeks before she'll leave us. We may be beginning a phase of daily repetition with slow progress toward the goal. I am not amused.

Talk time appears to be over with my sweetie. She does not initiate conversation, even to express her needs. She does respond to questions but her responses are halting and very slow. Very. She can fall asleep after saying just the first few words of her sentence, I'll rub her arm lightly, she'll wake and ask if she finished her sentence. I hate it. I doubt she's digging it, either, and wonder how much she is really processing but is unable to tell me. I'm talking with hospice about her possibly being medicated beyond pain control and into sedation. It is also a possibility that she is just declining. If I have to choose (and we've reached the uncomfortable place where I have to make decisions for her) between her delightful personality and her comfort, there's no question. She will be comfortable. I want to make this terrible trial as bearable as possible for her.

After a particularly difficult short walk this morning, I believe Laurel has been promoted to staying in bed all the time. She seemed to like the sound of that, if I interpreted her response correctly. I want to believe she was just showing a little of her former self and looking on the bright side. That would be so her.

She's also graduated into not having to swallow pills anymore. I was taught today how to crush her meds, mix them with a small amount of water, and squirt them into her mouth with a 3ml oral syringe. We should have been doing this days ago. It's so slick. Coordinating a straw and actually swallowing (pills) recently became difficult.

That's all for now and possibly for the foreseeable future. If we settle into a waiting pattern, just going through the motions every day, I will not report. Do not misunderstand, there is A LOT happening every day in this hallowed space she and I find ourselves in. It's just not for public consumption. But know that I think often of the lovely friends and family that Laurel is blessed with. And know that your comments are uplifting, spiritual, insightful, and so genuine and heartfelt. I can't read more than a few before I get very emotional. It's really an honor and a great blessing to be involved in this intensely human experience. Thank you all.