Update

 

SUNDAY was amazingly good. Been going slowly downhill since then.

MONDAY was almost as good as Sunday.

I branched out a little and put some frozen stir fry veggies in the microwave with a small amount of brown rice. I didn't use the included sauce mostly because of the sugar, I just used a few drops of organic coconut aminos, which is a soy sauce substitute. Couldn't actually taste that. Still, the bowl was a nice change.

TUESDAY was almost as good as Monday.

Tried curcumin as my first pain reliever of the day. It's not as good as ibuprofen or Tylenol for sure, but I'll try to swap it in once in a while when it's a good day (like today) to go a little easier on my organs.

Got an email back from a local, not remote, Reiki gal a friend recommended. This isn't her day job, but she does it on the side to help people, and charges about 1/4 of what she could charge, nice. But we'll have to drive to the far side of Los Altos which will be a 30-40 minute drive. I think I can go that long in the car. I have appointments on June 20 and 29. 

WEDNESDAY

Appointment with the surgeon. Still have some time with the lump. Depending on which way it's growing, it may or may not break the skin. I'll go back in August for another check. He's booked between now and then. Eek. I want him to be available sooner if things change.

Used my handicap placard for the first time to park at Kaiser, and used the high-backed reclining wheelchair Michael got at the medical equipment lending place. Didn't walk after that outing, it wore me out. Been trying to do 3-4 super short walks per day. 

THURSDAY (today)

The downhill continues. More discomfort today. Instead of adding lidocaine patches to the ibuprofen/ Tylenol regimen, I'm trying CBD/THC cream on 3-4 spots near my spine for the first time. I think it's helping.

Had a little breakdown this morning (and this afternoon, and this evening) triggered by a morning of discomfort. It wasn't to the level I think of as pain, it was discomfort, but that's enough to trigger emotions and all kinds of thoughts. I prayed for comfort (physical and emotional), telling Heavenly Father that I either want to get well or to please take me quickly. I suggested He could make it quick with something like a heart attack. Or going in my sleep would be nice. This uncomfortable limbo is something I'm ready to escape from. We heard an unusually low-flying airplane overhead while we were both on the bed and I thought maybe that could crash and take us both out together. Going together is our plan. It was my parents' plan, too, but it didn't work out for them. The plane didn't crash on us. Oh well--that would have been hard on the kids. We have a Sisters and Husbands Reunion planned for September. It was going to be in Oregon, but has been changed to be near me so I don't have to travel. Honestly, by then I want to either know I'm healing, no matter how slowly, or be gone. If you're looking for something specific to pray for for me, there it is.

Michael asked me gently if I wanted him to order more organic Chaste Tree Berry capsules which I take for hot flashes. Knowing there are about three bottles in the cupboard of the not-organic kind that I took before the bad cells came along, I cried, "Why bother with organic?!" In other words, nothing seems to be helping yet, so . . . . Dang it.

Hubby will go to the store for me today to pick up more pre-cut organic veggies, fresh or frozen, for me to have for dinner. I'll also ask him to try making a 4-ingredient vegan parmesan recipe to top it with. He will be happy to do that, because he's amazing. Man . . . that guy. Always by my side. What a blessing he is.