Shower Chair, Walker, Priesthood Blessing

Breanne and Michael found me a shower chair to use. I'm not really afraid of slipping, but I am afraid of running out of energy, or my wobbly legs giving out. Naturally I have mixed feelings about that, but my wise friend Sherron reminded me that I should do whatever it takes to keep myself safe. Also, I don't take a shower by myself anymore. I use the chair and either my husband or daughter helps me.

When they found the shower chair at the free medical equipment lending place they also found me a walker. I wanted them to look for one in case I needed one soon. Turns out I actually needed it immediately just for getting around the apartment. I even use it to get around in the bathroom. Toilet to sink, sink to towel, etc. Oy. The original walker they came home with was the more common style with four wheels. But that didn't work perfectly in our apartment. They went back and found a three-wheeled style that has one wheel in the front and two wheels in the back, like a tricycle. It's perfect for getting through small spaces and turning tight corners. I was really lucky to score that one. When you get excited about the perfect walker, you know your life has really changed.

My husband was reading a text exchange aloud between me, my sister, and him. After she answered a question, I texted back, "Dig." That made him laugh. I said to him, "Who else is this cool on their death bed?" He sort of made a face and I asked if that was a little too weird. We decided that sooner or later everyone is going to be on their death bed, and it's okay to have fun, and even make light of it. It doesn't all have to be sad and dreary every minute. That is not a requirement. When the pain is under control, we have plenty of happy times that include laughter.

I have a clear case on my cell phone. I've had it for a few years and noticed that it was starting to yellow. I thought to myself I should really order a new phone case. Then I remembered…oh yeah, maybe not.

I'm checking my eye color each day as it is an indicator of liver health. You don't want the whites of your eyes to start turning yellow. That's not a good sign. So far so good.

FYI, I've given my Facebook and blog logins to hubby and daughter. This way they can keep you updated if I can't. Michael has already offered to take dictation, but I'm not there yet.

The other night in bed, I wanted to spoon with Michael which we haven't done in weeks. I couldn't quite do it comfortably enough and gave up after a half a minute. He said quietly, "We'll get our chance." He's right. We'll eventually have everything. Our job right now is to simply be patient and try to roll with the constant changes the best we can.

My final sister visited from Tuesday to Thursday of this week. I was pleasantly surprised at how long I could last visiting with her. She spent each day lying on the bed next to me. We talked and watched shows, etc. More about that in a separate post. However, after she left on Thursday my pain levels really started ramping up. It became a crisis late at night. I had maxed out on all the pain relievers, lidocaine patches, etc. We called after-hours palliative care at Kaiser and they told me where I could actually double up on dosages. Later, still being a problem, I asked my dear husband to give me a priesthood blessing of comfort. He was happy to. I wanted the blessing to tell me that the pain was going to stop right now, but didn't actually expect it to. It did tell me that my pain spikes would be fewer--didn't mind hearing that. But it did tell me a couple of reasons why I am passing through this trial, and also how Heavenly Father feels about me. That part of the blessing was much more important to me, and more eternal, than making the pain stop. I was eventually able to get to sleep and the next day things started tapering throughout day and into the evening. (Please do not give me advice on chasing pain. I'm already doing everything I can to stay ahead of it.) The next day my palliative care doctor called and he decided to eliminate one of my pain meds and start two others. I felt some relief and optimism as we developed a new plan. I started with the new meds last night, We'll see how it goes. My doctor has also suggested hospice a few times. Being on hospice means you have more services available and they come right to you at home. I won't be joining that program until at least after August 3rd when I talk to the surgeon about how close the lump is to the surface. Once you go on hospice, you lose certain options. Having the lumps removed before the breaking of the skin would be off the menu. So, a little more fact finding before making a decision. It's also important to note that going on hospice is not a one way ticket. Some people actually do better on hospice, and eventually "graduate" from it. In other words, you can change your mind about it at any time.

One last thing. I know I said I was not going to allow any more visitors. But today I broke my own rules and allowed Dick and Sue Jacobsen to come visit for 15 minutes. These two wonderful people are significant to anyone who knows them. These were my employers for the last two years until last month. It was a spiritual experience how I came across the job, and the job and relationship with them were a blessing to me and my family in more ways than we ever expected. They are such caring and generous people, and always seem to have time for you even though they are important and so busy making the world a better place. The three of us worked together in stake callings (at church) several years ago, and it was a special treat to be in their orbit once again for the last two years.