Gummies Seem to Help Sleep, My Command Center
I tried the full gummy the last two nights and had a great night's sleep both times--yay. 6.5 hours. I'll try it again tonight with two changes, trying 1.5 gummies and skipping my usual 60 mg of melatonin to see what happens. I actually haven't been taking the melatonin for sleep, it's a leftover from the high dosage Fenbendazol protocol I was following a while back. It was supposed to aid in the killing of bad cells.
Today was a really good day: very low pain levels and no crying. It's been a lovely change after three days of crying and higher pain levels. (The evening turned out to be rough pain wise, which causes tears. Adding a lidocaine patch on my shoulder blade for the night, and I can take an extra pain pill if I want. So, I have options.)
Yesterday the psychiatric department at Kaiser called me and I have my first video call with someone next Tuesday. On the intake phone call they asked me interesting questions about self harm, alcohol use (I don’t drink), relationships at home, etc. FYI, the only times I ever have thoughts about self-harm are when I might have a little mini daymare about being separated from my painkillers for any crazy reason. Like a big earthquake, or being kidnapped, etc. Crazy reasons, as I said. If I couldn't have my arsenal of painkillers I would be forced to look for alternative ways to stop the agony. It may sound odd or extreme that sometimes I am envious of the bad guys on the police TV shows whose troubles are over in an instant with one quick gunshot to the chest. Sounds like a luxury to me. Bammo, suddenly on the other side without walking through anymore hot coals.
Meanwhile, these photos show all I need to run the world from my bed. My "command basket" lives on the bed. It has my phone, TV remote, fan remote, lip balm, flosser, gum, and reading glasses.
The other plastic container has squares of dark chocolate and peanut butter. Pure pleasure, and an option for getting food in my tummy when taking pills eight times per day. The scale has noticed I've been partaking of these high-calorie treats. I don't care.
My bed rail also has pockets with essential items: gum, squeeze ball for hand exercise, toothbrush for dry brushing without toothpaste (between regular brushing), an Altoid box with refill *flossers, chocolate covered almonds, and sleep gummies. There's also my keychain flashlight hanging here for if I get up during the night. And charging cables for my phone and smart watch.
This is everything I need to run the world. And someone to bring me food. And change the bedding. Oh, and bathe me, refill my water, do the laundry, bring me an ice pack, clean the apartment, take me to appointments in a wheelchair, hold me upright if I go outside for a tiny walk, pick up packages from the porch and open them, grocery shop, refill the toilet paper roll, answer the door, prepare and cut up any food, etc. Otherwise I am completely self-sufficient.
*I bought a pack of 75 dental flossers. Wondering if I will need to reorder in 75 days.
Such a great sense of organisation! I'm going to make a list of similar things to put in order instead of just rummaging around in inconvenient and overstuffed boxes, drawers and bags. And I understand completely how you feel about what might happen if you can't get to your medications. I'm always stockpiling extra meds when I can game the system, like a squirrel with acorns before the winter. It is a recurring "mini daymare," but I find that actually visualising the list of possible catastrophes is helpful.
ReplyDeleteIf this bad thing happens, what to I do next? How do I plan for it? Overly hopeful, but gives me a sense of agency. Must be from addressing all those childhood fears while hiding under school desks and trying to trace the route I would take to get to the nearest fallout shelter. I'm glad you have a team of experts to help keep your system going!