Laurel's Cancer Journey

Facebook memory from four years ago today: “I don't know why we have the many trials that we have, but it is my personal feeling, that the reward is so great, so eternal and everlasting, so joyful and beyond our understanding that in the day of reward, we may feel to say to our merciful, loving Father, ‘Was that all that was required?’” -Linda S. Reeves

I know I worried you yesterday. I was worried, too. Today was better, though. Less discomfort and fewer pain relievers. Just ibuprofen (because I can take it more often), no leap-frogging with Tylenol.   I went to the chiropractor early this morning, hoping the pain of the last three days was chiropractic. I told him it was at the T4 vertebra area. He said he'd been avoiding that area due to my worry. He was going to give it a gentle try today but I yelped when he started, so he stopped and tried something else. It didn't help. But afterward he put a long ice pack over my shoulder for 10 minutes. I liked it so we bought one. It looked like they wrapped it in a pillow case so that's how I wrapped mine later at home. I used my bacon pillow case. It was a bacon-wrapped ice pack. Mmmm. Thinking about asking my pillow case friend to make a custom one for my new ice pack.   The man who cured himself of Stage 4 prostate cancer and his wife actually drove here fr...

Didn't know when I'd be able to write again. I'm in the perfect moment of overlapping pain killers right now. My back started really bothering me on Saturday. I started leap-frogging Tylenol and ibuprofen. Since then, Michael has been tracking when I can take the next dosage of something. Also using arnica gel, ice, and Willow Balm patches. I'm glad a few of you recommended to stay ahead of the pain. Had I not tried to, things could be worse. If that's possible. I am in touch with my palliative care doctor about next-level pain management.   Didn't go to church yesterday, so happy there's a Zoom option. At this moment, I honestly can't see myself ever going anywhere again. Hubby is at the grocery store right now without me. We don't like that--we like doing everything together.   While he was gone for a few minutes earlier today I was trying to find a comfy position. Of any kind. I knelt on the floor in front of the couch and rested my head on a litt...

Today is better. A little discomfort for the tender "girl" with the enlarged lump. When I lift that arm it feels like I have a tight muscle under my arm, so I stretch it out, not wanting to lose any range of motion. I tried this simple Chigong exercise today which is supposed to clear your energy blockages, whatever that means. There's a lot we Westerners don't know. I'll try it for a few days and see what happens. If nothing else, maybe it will at least help relax the low-grade tension that's always inside me lately. Start at 5:17, if you're interested. I like hearing this guy talk. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiEjdDM77lQ&list=LL   Discomfort at the T4 and first rib crept up on me so slowly today I didn't realize it was happening. With that, I felt my first flash of anger at all of this. Was it anger? Or was it a combination of frustration and hunger and discomfort? I don't know. It felt like anger. I had just a tiny meltdown. Michael remi...

Yesterday I had that intensely sharp pain all day in the breast lump. It finally began to taper by evening and is down to 30-40% of its intensity today, thankfully. However, this morning when I woke up, I was alarmed that the lump is significantly larger--in ONE DAY! It seems to have gone from about 3.5" x .5" to 4" x 1". The skin over it is now pinkish instead of the light gray-ish that looked like a slight bruise, and the skin feels hard as it's stretching over the lump. This is what the surgeon told me to watch for--redness and hardness. How could it suddenly expand so much in one day?  A neighbor was telling me miso can help with "bad cells" and give protection from radiation. It might be too late now, three days after my scan, but she brought some homemade stuff over and I had some this morning in my smoothie and tonight in a small glass of water.   Here are two articles she shared, if you're interested: https://draxe.com/nutrition/what-is-mis...

Well, hello, delicious old friend. Yesterday was pretty rough. I had so much discomfort up and down my back, especially the upper left where the "left first rib" was acting up. Also, I was quite emotional several times. Buckets of crying. I'm sure the emotion comes from equal parts seeing the scan and feeling discomfort. The Willow Balm patch helped me get through my haircut, and before bed Michael put arnica gel up and down my spine. I had a really good night. Generally I'm sleeping pretty well, but hadn't the three nights prior, so that probably helped with the good night.   This morning when I woke up I was hesitant to face the day--I didn't want to repeat yesterday. I turned over and told hubby. He said my day would probably be determined partly by my outlook and partly by how I feel physically, "so, let's stay ahead of the discomfort." I took an extra-strength Tylenol first thing and was glad I did. Today is much better, thankfully. I just h...

Brace brace. Here's a side-by-side of the first scan three months ago, and yesterday's. To be honest, it's a little horrifying. Where's that box of tissues?   I reached for a pain reliever for the first time today--not happy about it. Adhesive strips called Willow Balm on my spine. My upper and lower back are really bothering me today. A LOT. It helped me get through my haircut. Still pretty uncomfy lying here on the couch.  

Locals, does anyone have this type of pillow with a cutout or dip for the tail bone that I could borrow? I'd like to try one to see if I want to get one on Amazon.

In other news, I'm getting a haircut today, I'm overdue. The discomfort level is high enough and constant enough now that I'll be asking my guy for a style that is super easy to manage. That will probably mean much shorter. I could go the opposite way, letting it grow out and keeping it in a ponytail, but since I'm almost always on my back now, that would be uncomfy to lie on and wouldn't work for Princess and the Pea here. Currently I blow dry my hair, put gel in it, dry it again, then style it with the blow dryer, then use a curling iron. Too much effort. Don't know if I'll take the plunge today, but I know I'll regret it soon if I don't.

Afterward, outside Kaiser in Santa Clara. (I guess our Redwood City location doesn't have the machine?)   Had my scan today and got the results. The bad cells have spread, as I already knew from sensations (occasional feelings of pinching), discomfort and palpation, but now I know where they are. Besides breast, underarm, liver, T4 and T12 from the first scan in February, we've added T11, L1, (these are on either side of T12), the head and neck of the right femur, and left first rib (that's the top rib, under the collarbone).   A tiny glimmer of hope is found in the original lump. Although it is bigger than 3 months ago, the glucose uptake during the scan was slower. We are going to take that as a sign that things are starting to turn around. We'll just continue moving forward, doing what I'm already doing, giving the Fenbendazole and enzymes (that break down the protein covering over the bad cells so the immune system can recognize them) time to work, and researchi...

  We're off to get me a scan. My appointment is at 11:00am. I'll sit quietly in a chair for the first hour as the glucose makes its way around my system, then the scan is 15 minutes. I'll have the results in the next 24 hours. Depending on how they look, I may need a minute to post.   No matter the outcome, we're grateful for the beautiful experiences that have accompanied our trial so far.    Thanks for being a part of my beautiful experiences.

Photo is from the first scan on February 13, 2024. I'm pretty darn impressed with myself for staying ONE HUNDRED PERCENT on my chosen way of eating for 94 days. Chris Beat Cancer recommended giving it 90 days and that's what I did. The exact same salad, salad dressing, veggie juice, and lemon-garlic drink every stinking day. Luckily, it's enjoyable enough. I put vanilla flavored pea protein powder (along with about 7-8 other mix-ins) in my juices which makes them darn good. Yes, that's right, people, I've been adhering with 100% exactness, even when this kind of thing happened: one evening, Wonder Boy left his hot, fresh, take-out Pad Thai OPEN on the kitchen counter unsupervised. I walked through the dimly lit kitchen, saw the Pad Thai, it made eye contact with me in that come-hither way and I didn't steal even one noodle. Normally, I would have because, well, it's right there. But I passed it right by. I didn't want any regrets on scan day. I wanted to...

I've been feeling discomfort in a couple of new places in my spine the past few days, hoping Tuesday's scan won't show any new locations. The 9-part docuseries I've been watching hasn't been that helpful yet (I've watched four so far). But because of it I may look into *Qigong and/or **Small Universe Meditation. Also, I kind of have a different feel for the bad cells since watching the Nathan Crane videos. I'm just looking at my current condition as something that's going on in the background, it's not running my life. I've asked Michael if we could get out and do something once a week. Something small but out of the apt. Like going to the coast again to look at the water, or walking/sitting among trees, that kind of thing. I want to act more like I'm living a regular life. This is good for me emotionally. Michael was commenting that I've been doing all the seemingly right things, but there's been no sign of turn-around yet. And, to b...

My birthday was nice. Got some computer work done. Our daughter came over for a visit. Sonny boy was in and out. I ordered some new PJs for Michael to give me. Due to the weight loss, my previous PJs kept falling off one shoulder. Hubby didn't feel that was a problem, haha! but it was annoying for me. So, low-key, no delicious food. Just a little time together. Looking a little orange-y here. It's my Trump-a-loompa look.

  About the cancer video series I'm watching. I noticed that last night's video, #2, seemed to be at the same link as #1. If that's the case and they're all going to be there, here's the link if you want to watch them. They are each available for 24 hours, 5pm-5pm PT. Tonight's looks VERY interesting to me. "We’re going to talk about the difference between people who get diagnosed with cancer, who live in constant misery, and who can never seem to win the frustrating battle. No matter what they do, their cancer gets worse... (even though they follow all their doctor’s instructions). "We’re also going to talk about those people who have a cancer diagnosis, but instead of falling into despair or misery, their life turns in the opposite direction. They have more energy and happiness than ever... their health takes a radical shift, as over time their tumors shrink smaller and smaller (and never come back)." I'll see what I can glean. There have b...

This is for all of us.   Everyone is, or has, or will be waiting for something. Something weighty and consequential. My childhood friend who is going through multiple trials herself shared this with me. It's from Kate Bowler's book "The Lives We Actually Have. 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days." ___   For When You Are Waiting God, here I wait. Where the air is still and presses in upon all possibility, here in this waiting room with all the others--    waiting for a diagnosis or for test results,    for them to make a decision    or my heart to finally know,    for that letter in the mail    or the headline to break,    for the loved one refusing to change,    or the child to find happiness at last. God, here we wait, in a place where fear and anger and frustration come so easily, and the simplest decisions seem to take forever. Where we're reminded once again that so little is in our control. God, come and h...

  Starting tonight, I'll be watching this free video series by Nathan Crane for the next nine days to see what I can glean. I'm most interested in episodes 2-4. I'm sure it will be similar to the Chris Beat Cancer videos. If you or someone you know is interested, the sign-up link is below.   Episode 1 — Airing Tuesday, May 14th at 8pm ET Cancer: The Limitations of the Current Medical Model   Episode 2 — Airing Wednesday, May 15th at 8pm ET The True Causes of Cancer That Most Doctors Aren't Talking About   Episode 3 — Airing Thursday, May 16th at 8pm ET The Missing Link Part 1: Mental, Emotional, Spiritual Healing   Episode 4 — Airing Friday, May 17th at 8pm ET The Missing Link Part 2: Tools & Techniques that Work!   Episode 5 — Airing Saturday, May 18th at 8pm ET The Best Anti-Cancer Diet   Episode 6 — Airing Sunday, May 19th at 8pm ET How to Eliminate Cancer-Causing Toxins From Your Home & Life   Episode 7 — Airing Monday, May 20th at 8...

We're a week away.   I don't feel like there will be anything surprising. But here's what I wouldn't mind seeing: That the lump is all dead cells that are just waiting to be processed out of the body. It hasn't changed much in size or shape lately, so... That my spine is only bothering me (a LOT lately) because the bad cells left hairline fractures in my T4 and T12 before they died off and now I'm just healing from those. The liver is free and clear. Still feeling activity under my arm where the lymph nodes are, so, hmmm, maybe they'll be the last holdouts. I've only been taking Fenbendazole for 2.5 weeks (seems like longer), so 3.5 weeks is probably not enough time to make a noticeable difference yet. When I talked to the gal named Amy, her breast cancer was gone in 9 weeks with Fenben. A woman who is being documented online, and had (HAD) the triple-negative like I do, started seeing changes after 11 weeks.    I absolutely believe a miracle could happe...

As a follow-up to the ultrasound showing growth of the tumor and lymph node, and the addition of new "friends," I had a consultation with the surgeon to talk about removing the lump before it breaks the skin. I didn't really want to go to the consultation but did, just to fact find. It turned out well. He checked me out and the findings are: It's slow growing There's about 1 cm of room to go (doesn't feel like that to me) We can reassess if I notice signs of it getting close to the surface. Those signs would be redness and the skin feeling hard from stretching So, we have time, don't need to do anything now.  Excellent news.   I recently had to drive the car myself which I haven't done in a couple of months. I had to drive four days in a row, Tue-Fri, just around town. I found that steering uses the upper-back muscles more that I can handle very well right now. Also, I did too much on Wednesday so my back is still recovering from those two things toda...

Scan day is two weeks from today.   I honestly don't know what to expect. Even though I generally feel well, except when I overdo it, I don't know if things are going well. The original lump, the cone-shaped one, seems to be staying about the same size for now, although I feel sensations in there throughout the day like something is happening. It's different from the usual pinching sensations I've felt in the past. The new guy under my arm, a pea-size cluster of new lymph nodes, crashed the party next to the original enlarged lymph node a couple of weeks ago. Spine hasn't felt worse, except just temporarily when I do too much. No symptoms of liver trouble, but I'll have lab work done on that every few weeks since it has bad cells on it and I'm taking high doses of Fenbendazole. The next time will be the same week as the scan.   As May 21 draws closer and not feeling like any improvement has been made with the diet, supplements, fasting, and your many prayers...