Feeling a Little Moody, Prayed For a Glimmer of Hope

Feeling kinda moody, which is not my normal personality. Tummy's been a little iffy today. Maybe it's because I've quintupled my morning dose of Fenben. Don't worry, little tummy, the dinner dose will only be quadrupled. That will take me right to the 2,000 mg I'm shooting for. T12 and lower back have also been talking to me today. I knew my back would feel better once I got out of bed this morning, but didn't feel like getting up. I watched a stand-up comedian on Netflix hoping for some laughter medicine but he wasn't funny enough for my mood. Got some others in the queue. Looking forward to watching the new Jerry Seinfeld movie "Unfrosted" tonight. It's about the history of Pop Tarts, haha. Looks pretty funny with all those comedians in it.

I took my morning walk a little slower for the tummy. About halfway through, Michael pulled up beside me in the car. He was on his way home from an appointment, and walked with me for a stretch. I was quiet-ish.

I realize it may be a good idea to have the surgery to keep the mass from eventually breaking the skin. It won't cure anything, but it will help avoid pain, infection and complications. I wouldn't want to do it until after the scan, though. If anything is starting to reverse by then, it seems like I wouldn't need to have the mass removed.

At home after the walk I was in the kitchen adding my 17,000 mix-ins to my red juice (vitamin C, soursop, moringa, amla, etc.). Feeling a little emotional, I prayed *out loud for Heavenly Father to please bless me with just a glimmer of hope. Later, as I was getting ready for my shower, I checked the lump. It seemed about 2 molecules flatter. It's generally a conical shape, about 2.5" wide by .5" high. It changes all the time. Sometimes the top is pointy and rough, sometimes it's more rounded and smooth. So, it wasn't anything to get excited about since it's always changing. But it was my glimmer and I was grateful for it.

I told Michael as he was folding clothes by me on the couch that I felt my mood swinging more toward neutral. He and I talked about coming out of a "mood swing," and that when you do, you're like, what was the big deal? Why didn't I just come out of it sooner? Humans are complex.

I did get this fun new shirt today--a super cool veggie of some sort to keep me company. So there's some cheer.

* "Prayers ought to be vocal. If privacy is not practical, prayers should be silent utterances in one's heart." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2024 General Conference

Have a great weekend, my people.