Laurel's Cancer Journey

This evening, Sonny Boy Mike was going on a Pokémon walk so I went with him. Just 3/4 of a mile. We stopped at the park for about five minutes and took a selfie with the Little Leaguers playing in the background. No crying this time while watching them.    Later, hubby and I went to the grocery store. I was commenting how just a few weeks ago we'd be shopping and I'd be heavily leaning over the grocery cart, or sitting on my cane-chair in the produce department, or holding his shoulder while walking. And now look, I'm zooming all over, unassisted. It was about the time I uttered those words that I ran out of gas kind of suddenly--too much exertion! In the wisdom that comes from experience, even though I was feeling great before leaving to go shopping, I still brought my cane-chair to the grocery store and boy was I glad. I sat on it at the checkout. Hoo boy! Been home about 30 minutes and still recovering on my bed while reporting to you, people of my Facebook kingdom.  ...

  Feeling great today. Spirits are high and body feels good. I went for a walk, my longest one yet since the Before Times, 1.4 miles. I used to go 1.8 so I'm getting close. No assistance like walking sticks or holding my handsome bodyguard's arm. I could have made the 1.8, but let's not get all crazy. My upper back usually ends up getting tired on a walk, so I wanted to allow for that, but it did well. I wish I could feel as good as I do while walking when I'm sitting or lying down.  I said to Michael on my way out the door, "I doubt I'd be doing this if I were undergoing chemo." We agreed I'd probably be in bed recovering. Here in San Carlos, CA our utility boxes are painted by different artists in our community. Some are of dogs, or flowers, etc. Here are a couple of illustrations I like. Note: If you're wondering what that thing is clipped to my sunglasses, it's a rear-view mirror. We use these for biking, but I've been using mine for wa...

Yesterday I got through the first hour of church okay. Did more singing, but the sitting was not great. I could have forced myself to sit through the second hour in Relief Society, or even lie down on a row of chairs, but decided to be comfier, so we listened on Zoom on our way home and at home. Thank you, technology--I didn't have to miss out on Danette Soelberg's lesson or the wonderful comments in class. My back is bothering me a little more. It's been very gradual. Last evening I may have overdone some exertion, and afterward my upper back bothered me a LOT. It was the first time I said the words, "my back hurts," instead of it aches or is fatigued. I laid down for a long time to rest it, then had trouble getting comfy to get to sleep.    Before bed we did the nightly lump palpation. Each of us said, "Whoa." It was noticeably larger, no question. We haven't experienced that before. Before this we'd say, "Wellll, it might be a little larg...

TLDR: I feel better and am swinging back to optimistic. I took a long-for-me walk today. Hubby was on a bike ride and I wanted to lose myself on a walk. My spirits lifted as I went. I'm looking at yesterday's ultrasound differently. It was just a check point, right? Just data to help us know it was time to tweak our formula again. A couple of people reminded me that I haven't gone the whole 90 days yet on my Chris Beat Cancer plan and it might still need a little more time to kick in. I had felt a sense of urgency after the ultrasound, though, feeling like things were speeding up and getting away from me. For instance, I'm noticing that the lump is pushing up on my skin, changing the topography slightly, and I've been feeling more "activity" or sensations up and down my spine today and yesterday, and not just in the T4 and T12 areas. I can also feel activity under my arm where the new lymph nodes are. Kind of little pinching sensations, like there are new,...

Photo: The dark spot is the cancer. The red is the blood flow.     **Warning** I needed tissues to write this. You may want one, too.   I asked for an ultrasound to measure the lump and the lymph node to see how the sizes compare to the original findings of February 1, 12 weeks ago. After our nightly palpating, we expected the breast lump to be larger, and it was. We expected the under arm lymph node to be smaller, it wasn't, it was larger. We'd also felt a small new guy appear under my arm between the time I made the appointment and the day of the appointment. Turns out it was a cluster of new lymph nodes under the arm. There's more than I can feel with my fingers. The doctor asked if I knew what this meant. "Yes. But I haven't lost hope yet." There was still hope because we had one more idea.   I had insisted (nicely) that Michael be in the room to see it all and they allowed it. They didn't want to, they prefer that the spouse/friend/guest only come in ...

  Yesterday was the first time I felt like I didn't want to be 100% careful with my eating.  It was an emotional day for me, and there was a little leftover spilling into today. Doing okay now, this evening. I went for a walk yesterday morning--my usual 3/4 of a mile route. Michael almost always walks with me, but this time he was with a friend, so I was alone with my thoughts. With my follow-up scan less than a month away my thoughts are turning to what I will do with each of the three possible outcomes. My desire is that my direction will be clear. Not a TINY bit better or a TINY bit worse. I'm kind of hoping for 25% in one direction or the other. Maybe. I don't know what I want, it's a weird place to be. A miracle would be welcome. And my body is giving me mixed signals. I feel physically good, and able. Yet there's that new, third lump, and the original one doesn't seem to be getting smaller, so I don't know where I am. I know outlook is important so I t...

  Yesterday, our Wonder Daughter Breanne Christensen took me on an outing to see Filoli, a historic house and garden about 15 minutes from us. The word Filoli is made up of the first two letters of the words Fight, Love, and Live. "Fight for a just cause; Love your fellow man; Live a good life."    Our friend Mary George who is an insider at Filoli met us there, helped us to get in, and gave us our own personal tour of the house. She used to be a docent there and now helps in other ways. The house was a lot more interesting than I expected. Inside looked like something you'd see in a movie or Downton Abby. One interesting tidbit. It was built by a couple who lived in San Francisco, but after the 1906 earthquake (magnitude 7.9!) they decided they didn't want to live in such a dangerous place so they moved down the San Francisco Peninsula. Their new house was built about 200 yards from the San Andrea Fault, the same fault that's in San Francisco. Oh ...

I forgot to be grateful for the path I'm on.    Self-treatment with nutrition, supplements, intermittent fasting, extended fasting, Fenbendazole, exercise, and prayers is COMFORTABLE, and DOABLE, and I feel GOOD, and I can function pretty well! I spend most of my time at home, where I want to be. This path may cure me, or it may not.   The other path, chemo, would be very UNCOMFORTABLE, with horrible SIDE EFFECTS now, and possible worse side effects down the road, I might not be able to function well, I would be spending a lot of time at the hospital, and it will only buy me a few more months, (and those aren't the kind of months I want). It is a KNOWN that this path WON'T CURE ME.   Would I combine the paths? No. No chemo for me.   So, at least there's hope on the easier path which makes me VERY GRATEFUL. When is the easier path in life ever the better one? Well, this time it is.  

TLDR (Too Long, Don't Read. In other words, here's a summary.): Found a snack, took long enough. I'll be eating broccoli twice daily for the rest of eternity. Why isn't Chris Beat Cancer's way helping? Or is it? Liver check--good. Lipid panel--surprising. New lump, trying not to worry.    ALMONDS I've been trying to think of what to have with me as a snack in case I'm somewhere, like at church, and need to eat something. I don't want to bring a salad, obviously. The juices are too risky to take places because they are so red with beet juice that I ONLY drink them over the kitchen sink or over a red placemat. We like Bob's Red Mill oat bars, but they're not organic. Hey, I could make my own. Found a recipe. Oats, banana, and almond butter. Hm, oats AND banana sounds like too many carbs for the bad cells who love sugar. Okay, I could just bring a tiny container with a spoonful of almond butter. Oh hey! I could bring almonds! You know, those things ...

For Easter this year the Menlo Park, CA Stake of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints invited the bishop and Relief Society president in each ward (congregation) to make a short video with some sort of message about Easter, the Savior, the Atonement, or something along those lines. They would be released in the stake's social media channels during the week before Easter. My first reaction to any speaking assignment is panic and I want to get out of it somehow. Wait, how can I get out of this? Surely my condition is a free pass to saying "no" on this one. I'm trying to lower my stress, right? Heh. Then I remembered my post about the Deep Dark Pit of Fear. It seemed perfect. I decided to base my video message on that post, so this will be familiar to you. As always, the feeling of wanting to get out of a speaking assignment disappeared once I thought of something to say. I don't mind public speaking, I just don't like the preparing.   I feel such gr...

I like this Quote of the Day from the Library app of the Church. It is from the talk by Elder Quentin L. Cook , an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, in October 2023 General Conference.   "These two admonitions are great counsel for our own day. Lives full of praise, music, and thanksgiving are uniquely blessed. Being joyful and relying on heavenly help through prayer is a powerful way to be peaceable followers of Christ. Striving always to be of good cheer helps avoid being cast down in spirit."   Glancing around a little more in Elder Cook's talk, I also like this. It's a question everyone asks at one time or another--   "Church leaders are frequently asked, 'Why does a just God allow bad things to happen, especially to good people?' and 'Why are those who are righteous and in the Lord’s service not immune from such tragedies?'   "We do not know all the answers; however, we do know important principles that allow us to face trials, tribulat...

A couple of people have recently made comments that my posts can be hard to read--I totally understand. (I didn't take it as a complaint, just as a reality.) This has been a difficult road to walk, and difficult to watch, I'm sure. Yet here you are, you're still with me. So, here's a list of positives today, no need to brace, only rejoice.   • Today is my third consecutive fantastic day, physically and emotionally. Yay! • After our 3-day fast last week (it was our second one), my energy didn't plummet for the few days afterward like the first time. I assumed the plummet was from my immune system rebuilding itself. Perhaps it didn't need so much rebuilding this time. • Church gets a little easier every time. A little more singing yesterday. A little more sitting upright, too. • We loved having our Redd Sisters video chat yesterday. It's monthly and most husbands join in. There's a lot of laughing and loving. • Been doing our walks without walking sti...

  Tomorrow is our monthly fast Sunday in our church. Fast for 24 hours? Pshhh. No big! A 24-hour fast is for babies, haha! Yesterday I felt pretty subdued all day. Getting two hours of sleep the night before could have been a contributing factor. (The two hours was very unusual.) Or that I woke up with, well, not nausea, and not upset, just my tummy not feeling exactly right. I worried whether that was my liver talking to me. I knew if I could get myself into the shower and outside for a short walk I would probably feel better all around. At 5pm I finally got off the couch, stood up, and did it. On our walk I did start to feel better. My spirits continued to rise throughout the evening and my tummy troubles finally dissipated.  Today I've felt fantastic! Physically and emotionally. I was washing and cutting some veggies, but let Michael finish that, and I wanted to fold the laundry on the couch, but let him do that, too. He also very happily made my lunch salad. I'm careful to...

I want you to know I am not experiencing pain. Only periodic discomfort which I may refer to as an ache or muscle fatigue. Haven't even taken a Tylenol. Had a little moment earlier today. It's actually been a great day. This morning Michael took me to the chiropractor, I go every two weeks now. It was a nice visit, it was short, he gently finessed a couple of cracks out of me. Later, hubby was out with an elderly pal for lunch and haircuts. I was at home, feeling pretty normal physically, just one little thumbprint-size hot spot in my back at the T4. I sat at Michael's desk to work on my laptop so I could try the lumbar support in his chair. It was nice. I turned on some R&B music on Spotify on the TV next to me and enjoyed it's soothing beautiful harmonies and easy beat. (It was Kenny Lattimore's "For You," which wasn't helpful at this moment--🎵 'cause this life is no good alonnne…🎵) Looking at my phone I noticed that the countdown app on my...

Yesterday morning I spoke too soon about my upper back not bothering me. It definitely bothered me yesterday. It is tapering off and today is improved but still there, although I do spend a lot of time either horizontal, or sitting on the couch with my head leaned back. It bothers me much less that way. When I woke up during the night I told myself that if I'm still having trouble today I would start implementing Plan B.   Funny story, this evening we were telling our son I started implementing Plan B today and why. There was confusion. He wondered why I would start using Plan B. We didn't understand his confusion. Then he finally explained that Plan B is an emergency contraceptive. So, we had a good laugh over that. No, I'm not using THAT Plan B.   Also, my original lump seems to be getting nearer to the surface of my skin. You don't want that. It can break the surface and things get complicated. Could it just seem like it's getting closer becaus...

  Pretty soon I am going to be researching where to find all natural make-up and moisturizers, but I thought I'd check with my you, my peeps, to see if you already know of good brands or sources. Well do ya, punk?   Why am I doing this? "C" comes from either: genetics (rarely) diet (probably not the way I was eating) stress environment, or a combination. My life hasn't been that stressful, so I'm guessing environment for me. In any case I'm trying to avoid as many toxins as possible. I'm told that sunscreen and things with fragrances are the worst. We use fragrance-free lotion, but maybe all natural would be even better.  

Amazing how good things taste after 75 hours of fasting! Last month's fast was 74 hours. I had to outdo myself and set a new personal record, didn't I?   This smoothie consists of a serving of our veggie juice, a whole lemon (thanks, Liz !), blackberries, walnuts, turmeric and black pepper (plus powders of amla, moringa, super greens, and pea protein). An added banana would be even better, but I don't want to give the bad cells that much sugar yet while they're still thinking about their three days of starving. They love sugar. Later this evening I'll graduate to solids having one of our beloved salads.   Take note, people: Cancer loves sugar. The doctors even use glucose to see if you have cancer! (Happy to explain how if you're interested.) I'm not saying to avoid fruit. Fruit is good for you. But be mindful of your refined sugar intake: soda, flavored yogurt, sport drinks, instant oatmeal, candy, cookies, etc.  

  Doing the 3-day fast again. The purpose is two-fold: to starve the "bad cells," and to rebuild my immune system. It also rids the body of dead/injured cells.   Today, day three of our fast, my legs are a little wobbly, but feeling good all over. My upper back was REALLY bothering me Sunday afternoon and evening, but thankfully it started to taper through Monday. Much better today. I've finally learned to not panic when I feel something new, because it will probably pass. No body parts are talking to me today so far (9:00am) except my empty tummy, so that's good. I'm hoping the "bad cells" are a lot more uncomfortable than I am! Michael and I were both quite surprised at last night's "lump check." It was noticeably smaller! I had checked it earlier in the day and noticed it but didn't say anything. Then, while Michael was checking it he said, "Hm!" I replied, "That's what I thought, too!" That's the fasting,...

I have to give a very, VERY big thank you to these two wonderful men. Our friend, one of Michael's missionary companions in Germany in the 80's, who is from Germany himself, was going to come to the U.S. in mid-March and go on a weeks-long road trip with Michael until mid-April (that's right now). They were having video chats every week planning this huge trip and were pretty excited about it.   When my diagnosis came along in early February, I was still feeling great and encouraged them to go. Michael said, "I'm not leaving your side." Klaus completely agreed that Michael needed to be with me and they postponed their trip to some unknown time. Those guys. I am sure grateful they vetoed my vote, because I could not walk this path without Michael. THANK YOU, Michael and Klaus Trierweiler !!